We’ve seen photos of President George H.W. Bush’s service dog, Sully, guarding his casket. It may not be the equivalent of human grieving, but it is grieving, nonetheless.
Buffy (top right as a kitten, immediately above left as an adult sharing a bed with Pumpkin) spent his whole life fur-to-fur with his uncle Pumpkin. When acute renal failure claimed Pumpkin’s life, Buffy was at a loss, forsaking old pleasures and wandering the house as if looking for Pumpkin. It was 10 weeks before he settled into the “new normal” of life as an only pet. BUFFY, who owned Kathy
When Zuzu was a kitten, he apparently threw a clot during his neuter surgery and ended up what turned out to be temporarily blind. His litter mates attacked him and for his protection the shelter staff had to separate them. In a separate cage, he was throwing himself against the bars. (The shelter asked me to foster him while he learned to live with what might or might not be permanent blindness. As it turned out, he recovered his sight, with the only remnant a being slightly crossed eye.) ZUZU, who owned Kathy
Isabel was a bit of a loner — friendly with the others but, for example, she slept separated from them. After her death, it wasn’t apparent that the others missed her. ISABEL, who owned Kathy
HELPING YOUR OTHER PETS
The other pets in your household probably know something is going on. You may be spending more time focusing on the sick pet’s care. Ailing Rover may growl at frisky Duke’s previously welcomed advances to wrestle or chase. The other pets may isolate the sick “pack” member because it smells of medicine, infection, or poor hygiene. The healthy pets may pick up on your emotional state.
How other pets may react to a sick pet
You may need to protect the sick pet from aggression at the hands of the well pets. The opposite is also possible – a well pet running interference to protect the weak one, even to the extent of needing to say its own goodbye. In fact, in multi-pet households you may see both behaviors with “preferred associates” behaving one way and pets with a less affectionate relationship behaving in another.
What to do? The weak pet may need protective isolation. The well pet may need attention and distraction. To see how they behave when you are gone, consider recording them with a motion-activated “critter” or trail camera.
Do animals grieve?
We can see that pets experience the emotions of fear and pleasure. But do they grieve for a pack member that has died?
You aren’t the only member of your family whose life is changed by the loss of your pet. Your pet family also reacts to a loss of a member of its “pack.” Elephants appear to mourn, to refuse to leave the body of a lost member of the herd, or to carry the bones of their dead companion for miles. Primates have been known to refuse to give up the bodies of their deceased offspring. Would we expect less of our domestic companions?
How will you recognize animal “grief”?
We have seen how our pets react when we change their social structure by adding a new pet. It makes sense they also react when their social structure is changed by the departure of a member of their animal family. As “pack animals,” dogs may be more sensitive to a loss of its pack member than cats are.
Signs your pet may be grieving:
- Less interest in food or water. Pay special attention to older pets, which are more dangerously affected by dehydration than younger ones (except kittens, which are extremely sensitive to dehydration)
- Restlessness, pacing, inability to “settle”
- Listlessness, less interest in usual pleasures
- New anxiety / fearfulness
- Withdrawal from people or other pets, or the opposite – becoming clingy and following you around
- Changing sleeping patterns
- New behaviors (climbing to the top of the refrigerator) or abandoning old ones (like sleeping with you)
- Vocalizing to elicit a response from the missing companion
- Fighting for dominance
- Changes in bathroom habits like marking and, for cats, urinating outside the litterbox
- Searching for the missing companion
ASPCA’s 1996 Companion Animal Mourning Project found this about cats in their study after the death of a fellow cat:
- 46%% percent of cats ate less after the death of a feline companion,
- 70 percent meowed a lot more or a lot less than normal,
- More than half became more affectionate and “clingy” with their people,
- Many slept more or slept in different places than they previously had, and
- 65 % showed four or more behavior changes.
Signs that a pet is grieving can be similar to the signs that something else is wrong. The signs could merely coincide with the loss in your pet family, so don’t assume it is “merely” grief. Not eating or drinking adequate amounts, for example, can also lead to problems. A vet visit may be in order.
Possible changes in dominance hierarchy
The hierarchy of dominance changes when a pet dies, so you may see them competing for status, especially if the deceased animal was the alpha animal. It is equally possible that the change in previously existing hierarchies and relationships has no observable (or even actual) impact on remaining pets. If there is anything to work out, the pets can most likely do it on their own without human interference.
What should you do about grief or separation anxiety?
Your extra attention, gentle distraction, and tender care will go a long way. A good place to start is to do more of what your pet already loves — more play time with you, more walks and car rides, special food treats. Maintain their routine so that changes in their “schedule” don’t add to their confusion.
A blanket, bed or toy that smells like your deceased pet can help, as can giving your pet something new to do or learn.
Ohio State University’s Honor the Bond publication “Do animals grieve” has suggestions for how to address your remaining pets’ distress at losing a member of their household:
“Exercise is the best non-drug stress reliever you have available for your pet. It can also be a helpful tool in managing your grief response. Prior to beginning a new exercise program with your pet, consult with your pet’s veterinarian and your own family doctor.
“There are now pheromones available, in sprays and atomizers, and collars, which may be effective tools for reducing your pet’s anxiety. DAP (dog appeasing pheromone) is a replication of the pheromone that a mother dog releases while nursing her young. For cats, Feliway is a replication of the calming cheek marking pheromone. Many veterinarians, pet stores, and pet supply catalogues have these products available.
“For the most part, allow the companion animals to work out their own relationships. Punishment should be avoided as it increases levels of anxiety, fear, and aggression. Instead, try rewarding positive behaviors and interrupting undesired behaviors with obedience commands or redirection to a new activity.”1
Reinforce good behavior
Some of your pet’s grief behavior — like barking or howling – will be behavior you don’t want to have continue. So don’t reinforce it by giving your barking dog a treat. You may mean it as a distraction, but your pet may perceive it as a reward. Do Dogs Mourn? | VCA Animal Hospital (vcahospitals.com) suggests:
“Reinforce good behavior and ignore inappropriate behavior. Some mournful dogs vocalize or howl without provocation. Although it is hard to do, try to ignore this behavior. Resist the temptation to give your dog a treat to quiet him, which will only reinforce the behavior you want to change. Firmly tell him to hush and reward him if he complies. The reward does not have to be food….a hug will suffice. You may also try to break the howling cycle by distracting your dog. Instead of approaching him, which may be interpreted as positive reinforcement of the undesirable behavior, try calling him to you. If he heeds your command, praise him and initiate a distraction with a walk, or a game.”
Do the remaining pets need proof their companion is dead?
Anecdotal evidence suggests that some pets need proof that their missing companion is dead and not coming back. Decide for yourself about the suitability and practicality of letting the surviving pets examine or sniff the body of the departed pet – or they may completely ignore it. Others may bark or howl or engage in behavior we humans may view as disrespectful, which may be disturbing to us.
It may take months before your remaining pets have settled into their “new normal.”
All the named animals pictured in this blog were someone’s treasured pet. They may have crossed the Rainbow Bridge, but their absence makes them no less beloved.
I may not know what tomorrow will bring, but today I have you.